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I glance at the path of my life And wonder why she wasn't there. Though she is different from myself, In her,I see the purest form of Life and Light set beauteously in her eyes. Stealth and power are not her weapons; she is wisdome,courage,and grace. My lady is perfection alive; A wonder of the universe, Mother Nature herself! Yet,she cannot be mine; she promised her hand to another, so I remain,repose,to pine forever. The future is as black as the deep sea of my heart, but I know my love for her is infinite. If I cannot stand by as her Lord, I may stand beside her as a friend. ***** Aspects of a Shadow The measure of a man is found in the depth of his Shadow: the invisible enemy within his soul... the jaded twin joined by name, only to be awoken in sleep though remains silent in daylight. The trusted co-conspirator who fights the darkness, but welcomes the fleeting words of bitterness and anarchy and turns all colors to gray amid the endless battle of fight and flight. I say to the man 'do not hear them- they do not hold thee!' He laughs and turns his back to me. ***** Hungry Why did you leave me so hungry for your touch? Why does my body crave the warmth of yours, while we're away from each other? Tell me of the many nights spent remembering your loving gaze, your hands caressing my skin.... those hands which lifted me to the heavens which no other man has accomplished! Yet,alone,I can still feel the tremors we made... the fever you brought out in me and I still yearn for you more as the days go by. Why did you leave me so hungry for your touch? ***** Soul Mate No other man exists in this world, save my Love. A gentle and brave warrior, he is more to me than he knows. He is the healing balm upon my heart, making old wounds fade. His every word upon my mind a soft,whispering caress whose fingers remove the chill from my soul and warm it. I long to feel his breath, touch his lips, and taste the wine of his life. ***** Autumn Apple It is sunny as I inhale this Shennadoah feeling that floats amongst the wind and the leaves in this Virginia autumn. Held in the delicate glass, the amber fluid waits patiently- as it did while it ripened on the tree- to be enjoyed by all,including me, and its divine taste that in this perfect moment this sunny day this warm breeze this glass of apple juice is mine to cherish and to be remembered when I last held the site of apple trees in Culpepper. ***** My Mountain If a word is a grain of sand and a sentence is a small pebble, it seem to me I must be careful- through the passage of time, I have created the perfection and destruction that is my mountain. All of my quips and backword qoutes are carried in my bag. With each step,I am delighted and disgraced with my load of wonders. Each with meaning and glory of its own power- the depth of mystery they convey. The many as the whole, the whole as the one, and still,I carry my mountain in my knapsack. ***** The Term of Irony What is it like to have a sunny day- and feel like you don't deserve it? Can anyone describe how they feel like on their birthday, and want it to go away? The rich long to be poor. The poor long to be rich. Yet those with no power have all and nothing. Those with power pretend to have all, but have nothing. If the differences of all were anymore parallel to the term irony, the world would never cease from its weeping. ***** Reflections at Sunset It's over. It's all over,yet it's just begun. Having gone past the barrier, the world closes her eye slowly to her gentle slumber, but I'm not tired. My limbs feel heavy with exhaustion. My mind weary with thought, but my heart flutters in my chest. After all this time,I found her. If my life is a circle make the path of my life gold- for she is the diamond. The star in my night. The embrace that heals my heart's wounds. The laughter that flitters in my ears. as I catch her in my arms,to graze her lips with mine. I watch her sleeping form and feel the currents of my heart still at battle. All I've given up,sacrificed so the future will be there for our children. I couldn't ask for more than these moments with my love but I do,every time I remember the kindness of my friends. ***** ***** Breaking Illusions Pound down the walls- pound them down till nothing remains of my hands but bloody stubs; I feel no pain. My fingers are stairs on which I climb to conquer these brick-effaced lies that hides those who defile life- the beauty within covered by an ugly mask of unkindness. How I long to rip my eyes to preserve the image of purity. It must live! Lies don't stand well on their own. The message is truth and I am the messenager. The brick of reality has been thrown. The mirror of illusions destroyed. It leaves behind a lonely frame, waiting to be filled as we choose. Not the devils in black. Not the angels with halos on their white clouds. The mortals-we've been freed. Hands up.The future's ours to hold. Release through Termination Stoke the fire, tie the noose around my throat- I stand here dead, walking numb. Strike down if you must! The whips cannot penetrate my heart; it's stone and strong. With each flick, with each spike of pain I am released- my soul escapes my weakened skin piece by piece. The uselessness of my body is not without: it is the sacrifice and my soul is the true victor in this holy war. ***** Star Flowers My oldest friend... like a worn and fuzzy blanket, with the familiar smell of happiness of days gone by like the field of dandelions where you and I once had our dreams. We felt the wind and touched the secret language of the Ancients and knew what they were saying, that our young minds would touch the skies we used to gaze upon and from our mound of dirt, we become starstuff in our own ever-moving galaxy of Life: separate,but connected. We are the flower,burst into bloom, that explodes and becomes the Star. ***** Left(new and had odd experience with spirit) The smell of old lace and worn leather where women were ladies and gentlemen tipped their hats have fallen to the sight of empty tombstones that are planted in my mind. Do they know what they are? Do they know what they do? The power they have to bring tears to our eyes? WE cry out loud- 'where are you?'- but from them,we receive no answer. How long should we stay at your grave,we wonder. A look,a light caress- even a cold touch- to give us a sign that you haven't left us. ***** No Control I peer over the side of the neverending chasm of my inner depression. My nails graze the sides as I attempt to break my fall and fail. Who understands the feeling of being held captive by the heavy-laden chains of love? Only to be woken up with the ice-cold water of reality, when you realize the flowers are dead, the birds have gone to warmer climates, and nature is sleeping. I am spinning. Help me before I lose control. ***** Looking for a Face I look for signs, but cannot see them. A face from the past with a name that overlaps the faded waves of hair that is now gray, and I wonder why she can see you, but I cannot. When all my friends could talk to their fathers, I was forced to look at me. Where in my face do you lie,dormant- a silent voice that says nothing- as if I were nothing. As though you had never existed,but somehow do. How long must I stare into a mirror before I can see the eyes of my father? ***** Evening Flame Where were you that I did not see the beauty within your soul? How the light befalls upon your fair face and yet your Goddess form seemed to float and I remained anchored to my chair. The junoesque of your body the warm arms that comfort your children at night bring words of adolation from my soul to yours, the lady with red hair. Here the world is graced to have you among us. ***** Waterfalls on Babylon The trickled tears fall and pool collected in my hands cupped to catch the memories they fathom to hold and remember. I see my haggard and saddened face and wonder how long ago did I become old? Was my youth squandered among these few lost tears? Did my hair fall gray to the worry that the future holds perilous times for them, they who are my children? We must all grow and leave the cradle. ***** Nightly Trances (Fireside Thoughts) While staring home from my balcony, I see the blazing fires afar, far from my home on top of the hill. I stare at the glowing timbres, entrance as night's shadowy imps made their meddlesome play. I should be cold but that fire though but a distance away warms my soul as if I were but there and not just in my mind. To fear my ears on the crackles of the wood, to lose my worries in the smoke and let the soul of the tree cleanse me from outside my skin to within my heart. ***** Guiding Spirits a tap-tap upon my shoulder- I turn to see but no one there. this happens,oh, so often, I've forgotten how many in the past, but nightly curtains fall to let spirits free to tap my shoulder again. In silence,they lead me to an unseen path that I've never seen before but heard plenty about in my life. I twist and turn, a special gift in me, the sense and the propriety to be the person deep inside of me, I take off the coat of deniability and see the world is in need of another set of hands to keep her alive. ***** In Memorandum of T.M.,N.D.,& C.K. The true essence of friendship means to never say goodbye, to always hope for a bright tomorrow. It means to never cease caring about how special you made us feel. Of all the fingerprints that have touched my heart, yours are the most important. All of my friends- they shine like silver, but your are gold. How can I say goodbye when words refuse to come through? Why would I even want to do that to you? I can't do it. I know;you didn't leave. ***** Dreamer Like Mother Nature, the clever Goddess, I held you within me like a secret- sweet to taste and mine to hold, though be it but for a brief time. To see your face and know things would be the same yet different. If you need my hand to hold, don't ask;I'll give it to you freely. If you need my thoughts to any problem of mind, don't hesitate,my daughter. If in your eyes my acceptance you desire but cannot beg for it,don't,then. You are the dreamer;follow them. ***** From an Oval Window The earth hides her beauty- hands that cover the natural pink that lies among the sand; the health that is her. In her abundant tan and taupe give way to the brief patches of ebony along the moutain paths that line her body whole. The variety that is her eyes- the tiny pools in that place: a land of borrowed life. Where on her celestial body, man has become her snake, we crawl and wander about her both carefully and carelessly. We should not try to wake up the mongoose within her. ***** My Mother,My Goddess The one with no name, the first one we see, with hands to hold us when we stumble or fall. Our first morning glory to know of the first true love and most precious embrace is the one person who has grown with me- her knowledge etched in the small lines along her face to become my own as I age, and still, she stands waivered but strong. And so,I say: the beauty that comes within shines the brightest,and she shines well, my mother;my Goddess. ***** Emerald Tears Lady,what's despair? Lady whilst sit upon thy stand and weep into thee's hands? Yes,I know.I have seen. The Gemini are gone,but alas-look! To the heavens. In the nightly sky, the pair shine brightly. Surrounded by hundreds of new stars. All bodies gone, but yet live,they do still. This chapter is over;another awaits for the pen to hit parchment. The wind stir and awake the author. Cease all sorrows and dry thine eyes. We,the dreamers,wake to comfort and stand by thee,Lady. ***** What Happened? Screams- like goosebumps rising on a stripe of skin blasted beyond words not heard- what happened? Gray snow gather on the ground but this is no winter wonderland. I open my ears and hear chaos. I see papers flying like a ticket tape parade of demons and bits of cloth, and among them,a ratted and charred stuffed animal lies still. I close my eyes. The skies echo with thunder, but no rain follows. Stop this rain. Stop this wind. Stop the infection,hate. ***** My Lady,Disdain How fair does thee,my Lady disdain to use the reeds as your wedding train, to know you'll lose youth's fruits someday; how fair does thee,my Lady disdain? Here comes at once,my Lady disgrace, to purchase her lines for her lace, as the tears wash away all the makeupn from her face, by and by,my Lady disgrace. See her float,my Lady Naivete, her head in the clouds;her heart up a tree, her eyes hiding behind a snickersnee, as she catches the river,my Lady Naivete. The dragon returns,my Lady Anger, to fight the flames that keep me in danger, if I but could to rearrange her, but then she would not be Lady Anger. You question this soliloquy as to why I list these qualities, but in time i am sure that you will agree that they all live inside of me. ***** Enchanted Night Memories saving past their due to relish the desert sea as I look to the sky- bluebird's beauty surpasses none; The buds of May spring but once a year, but rememberances of these satin pinks remain near the impact of the picture that hides behind my eyes to be lifted to see set in place,my disguise. To hide out the sun? No,nay-not that orb. Spoken plainly,to heaven I see my discourse to journey the plains walked by the one to reveal the answers to questions absorbed and I take root and bloom living a life,by my choice. ***** Madman's Kitchen Joker,weave your magic and stir the cauldron bright. Cut the ribbon and the cord- paint the package light blue. Fill it with your jumping confetti, the silver balls that burst to golden glitter. I hide in shadows, to conceal myself, behind your pots and jam jars, to see your work at play. Your boisterous laught lively and thrilling, sends my senses reeling, reeling to keep from giving myself away. Excitedly,I retreat to bed. Tomorrow the fun begins where you entreat the world to sit and grin. ***** The Tiger They never saw me, hiding in the shadows, slowly crawling to them. I felt their pulse, the way their eyes could see,but not see, and prepared myself to jump. I fly the risk- uncovered my claws and screamed the call of glory- and dive to my prey, to weave the spell of death in a continuous life-giving dance as the smell of blood enthralls my senses, tempts my teeth to free my young of the hunger that torments us. ***** Reflections at Sunrise I stand upon this balcony amazed. How old this city of tears is. Yet the youth of this city shows upon this land This land I was not borne of, yet home is more here than any other place I've been. I'm a light, The candle that shines in the dark sky at night; The sun is Father, the moon my Mother, And the souls I warm, my sisters and brothers, the stars. I step back, regretting the movement, wishing to keep this morning moment, to savor this sweetness one second longer. The students will come naive, and leave ready for war and death. Convictions swelling, I cannot cry - Few of them will remain standing, and those who stay will see life for what it is: fragile - as delicate as this pool of tears shed for friends lost, love missing, and the soul within this uncertain man on a mission of peace. ***** Messages from the Dark All lights turned off a small spark into a low glow and I see the smoke in the dark rising to the sky like a silent message for those who see it. The embers know danger is nearby so the tiny flame makes itself known by giving show to me so that I may ward off the evil spirit that offends its light till it leaves and all is restored. ***** Faith of Stars Torture, a strange word to use,yet its there. It's all I feel about this lease on life. How can I change time and history to spend allmy days with you?I can't. Every time I look at you, I become breathless and feel the mercy of angels that love shines in your eyes for me. How long ago was that night you held me tenderly in a moment of doubt, Under the crying sky? Steadfast at my side, the night's darkness frightens me no more. To me,you are the calm lake that fills me with life, Yet I thirst to know you more. The light of your heart, the steel in your eyes, and all your dreams that come in morning's light. ***** Looking Within A Life The sun is fading on the last day of my life. The hourglass is almost empty, but it's not futile. I travelled this road,knowing where I'd end up. A sarcastic chuckle escapes me,that I knew. But at what cost? So much to lose,but so much to gain. I look at my wife: The appearance of a delicate snowflake, but a warrior in silken robes. The joyful thought of my son,tracing my steps, becoming a man in his own right, And the pain inside my heart at leaving them, so intense to rip all three of us apart. But it brings us together;no tears. Relaxing,I release my last breath and embrace the shimmering colors of the fingerprints of all I have loved and lost and how their being made my life better than it would have been without them. ***** ***HAIKU*** ***** The tree is saddenend. Youth and vitality gone. It waits for the storm. ***** Again, the crack breaks. Her pain and anger breaks through. She hides everywhere. ****** Birds in flight. Touching the soul of the sky. No fear and no limits. Copyright 2001-2002 Madam Kitty *********** BACK |